and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
