I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
