Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize