Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tornado booty call.. dedication
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
