ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
