Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
