i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your cock deserves a montage
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
