Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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