OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
