Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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