Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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