i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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