You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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