I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
