yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize