shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
