where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
