thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
