I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
