I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
