"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
