Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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