he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
