if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
