Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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