what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it glows. i had to have it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
