Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
