you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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