whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
