The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
