Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
