There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've blown a few things in my day
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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