Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
