GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
