someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We have so much sex to catch up on
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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