those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
