are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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