It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
