i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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