Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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