I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i think i just lost a toe
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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