Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
