how can u be prego again
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
