there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
