Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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