dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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