Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
