I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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