I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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