Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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