its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
