I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize