You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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