Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
