so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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