guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
