The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
