so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
