Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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