white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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