my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
