i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
