How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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