as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
