Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
tell me about the fingering
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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