I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
