well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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