Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
