Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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