He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
