a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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