i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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