Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
