I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
