I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
