what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
