accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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