just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
