the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize