Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize