I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
