i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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