This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
