"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
