For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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