Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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