Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
