I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
