So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
