i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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