what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My life is pants optional.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize