Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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