Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
