Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
