You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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