well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
