why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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