too bad you live with your parents still
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
