then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize