There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
