I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
