Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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