Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
