and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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